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Posted By: Joseph R. Terrazzino - Category: The Mind of Koovies

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15 Reasons You Should Have Kids

June 12th 2008 18:44

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Me, my brother, and our cousins a few years back.

KIDS! RUNTS! RUG RATS! PUNKS!

Don't run. Don't run. Yes, they can be nightmares with truncated limbs. Yes, they can ruin flights, car trips, clothing, and general peacefulness. Yes, they are a huge responsibility that can end your adult life.

But they're so cute!

Many people refuse to have children for fear of ruining their lives. That is a GREAT mistake. Children are fun, funky, and downright useful.

So, get your thoughts out of the local daycare glimpse that frightened you recently. Open your mind to the possibilities of parenthood! Relax. Kids can be fun. I'll prove it!

Let KOOVIES convince you to have booger-flicking, head-bumping, scream-machine, pesto-sauce-diaper-wearing children.

15 REASONS YOU SHOULD HAVE KIDS

1) YOU CAN GIVE THEM PERSONALIZED HAIRCUTS

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Daddy . . . (sniffle) . . . you bastard.

2) YOU CAN TEACH THEM TO POOP BESIDE THEIR BEDS WITH THE FAMILY DOG

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Uhhhhhnnnnnn.

3) YOU CAN TAKE THEM ON SUNDAY DRIIVES THROUGH THE PARK

Lovely weather we're having, eh son?

4) YOU CAN FORCE THEM TO PLAY SPORTS

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Boys just can't resist kicking balls. Of all sorts.

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Always bet on black.

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Yes, that's me. Shut up. No, really. Shut up.

5) YOU CAN WATCH THEM BLOSSOM INTO YOUNG GENTLEMEN

Nothing like a well-mannered young man.

Yes, Johnny. That is the meaning of life.

Like father, like son.

6) YOU CAN PUT THEM IN THE FRIDGE AND TIME THEIR ESCAPES

25 minutes and counting.

7) YOU CAN TEACH THEM ABOUT MICHAEL JACKSON

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No comment.

8) YOU CAN TAKE THEM TO JAMAICA ON HOLIDAY

Dude . . . (cough-cough) . . . Dude . . .

9) YOU CAN TEACH THEM NEW AND INTERESTING THINGS

Go team, go!

Boy Scouts of New Jersey, USA

8-yr-old Dick Cheney during Bible class.

10) YOU CAN PUNCH THEM IN THE STOMACH

Take that! Last time YOU change the channel on Daddy!

11) YOU CAN TEACH THEM TO HONE THEIR PSYCHIC POWERS AND ATTACK FRIENDS

Daddy said let him borrow money! Now!

12) YOU CAN HAVE AN AFRICAN AMERICAN AND WATCH WHAT HAPPENS

Why can't we all just get along?

Ghetto Bike Mike. What up, playas?

13) YOU CAN FEED THEM TO CLOWNS

Evil clowns get hungry too.

14) YOU CAN SUPER-SIZE THEM

The Michelin Man had kids?

15) YOU CAN EAT THEM WHEN YOU'RE DONE WITH THEM

Newborn Stew. Tastes great with pumpernickel bread.

Garlic Butter Baby Sandwich. Only 400 calories!

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Posted By: Joseph R. Terrazzino - Category: The Mind of Koovies

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Begging Books: Vampyrrhic

May 31st 2008 14:58

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Nice of Dick Cheney to pose for a book cover.

So . . . like vampires? Like unsexy, bloody-mawed, slavering, pale bastards? Then you voted Republican in the last election? Just kidding. You like monsters of the night!

Like the Norse gods? Like Thor? Have a sympathetic cottage in your heart for those ancient Pagans? Wish the Christian juggernaut got its just returns for the squashing of innocent Pagan cultures throughout history?

Well, then this novel is begging you to read it.

Centuries ago, the god Thor is perturbed by the Christian menace. Mighty Thor charges a Norseman and his tribe with the extinguishing of encroaching Christian cultures. He grants him an army of the undead, essentially. Norse vampires! Very original.

Flash to this century. Of course, the Norse chieftain was unsuccessful. But the bargain has not expired. In modern times the descendants of these Norse tribes-people converge on the sleepy town of Leppington. Both the undead soldiers of Christianity's downfall and a few major Norse figures from the original bargain find themselves reunited. Only problem is, the Norse leaders have no idea that they are the reincarnated souls from way back when--Thor's chosen failures.

This time around the reincarnated souls are pitted against the dark legion of vampires! And the odds are about 4 to 400! The action takes place in the Station Motel and the meandering tunnels which lie beneath the entire town of Leppington. As the threat thickens, the heroes begin to discover who and what they are. But is a sprinkling of the supernatural enough to stop the onslaught of an undead army?

I read this a while back, but I remember being impressed with the premise immensely. Still am. The writing is quality; the suspense is driven by a curiousity to untangle the reincarnation storyline; and the book has a few nicely frightening moments. Unfortunately, the book does not develop the characters enough so that one cares deeply about what happens to them. I always regretted that I almost cared for the protagonists--just not fleshed out enough!

The idea is a great one, undeveloped to its greatest potential--IMHO. The action is fun, but don't expect an Interview with the Vampire complexity. If only Clark had taken more care!

I recommend it if you LOVE vamps. If not, the book is begging to be sampled in the bookstore first.

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Posted By: Joseph R. Terrazzino - Category: Begging Books

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Begging Books: The Voice of the Night

May 31st 2008 14:20

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Kids are damn scary creatures and Koontz proves it.

The Voice of the Night is a begging book: begging to be read. From the very first line of this novel, one knows that a thrilling adventure awaits--a twisted carnival ride of underage heroes and pubescent monsters.

"You ever killed anything?" Roy asked.
Colin frowned. "Like what?"

The story centers on Colin, a lonely sci-fi-obsessed geek who never has luck with friends. That is, until Roy, the school popular kid numero uno befriends him. But is the friendship genuine? Or does Roy have plans for Colin? Or is it a little of both? Because Roy is a nutball extraordinaire! A murderer, to put it nicely. Colin, an eccentric, appeals to Roy. Does he complete Roy's puzzle? Or fill a complex slot on Roy's long victim list?

The two boys venture into a friendship that reciprocates and delves deeper into a very dark moral avenue. Will Colin kill? Will Colin enjoy killing? Will any animal or human in town survive, unscathed, the wrath of two deranged kids?

Plenty of innocents fill the novel--potential victims. One young girl in particular becomes the center of both Colin's and Roy's attention. What plans do each of them have for her? Is either plan conducive to long life and happiness? Or rotting six feet under after a night of torture? You'll have to read to find out.

On purpose, I am avoiding too many plot points. This one need not be spoiled. It is a twisted suspense train. Nostalgic too, in that it focuses on children in such a way that really brings you back to being a kid again--bullies, geeks, popular kids, parents intruding, school sucking, and the joy of broken homes on the weekend.

Koontz paints an excellent picture with words. Readers will feel that they are in the story, reaching that point of word-ecstasy where one actually forgets one is reading a book. The brain just follows along like a bone-starved puppy. And that is a fun hunger, my friends.

So pick it up! I'm begging you.

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Posted By: Joseph R. Terrazzino - Category: Begging Books

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This Just In: KOOVIES News

May 31st 2008 09:30

News You'll Hopefully Never Need

Greetings! Welcome to KOOVIES News. Useless, offensive, and always good with cookies. Breaking news today

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Posted By: Joseph R. Terrazzino - Category: Koovies News

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Begging Books: The Taking

May 30th 2008 17:40

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Dean Koontz has key-pummeled another novel into fruition that deals a good fright, a persistent mystery, and a floppy-preachy-wishy-washy ending. Yep. This novel is begging to be read half-way through and thrown at your local librarian

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Posted By: Joseph R. Terrazzino - Category: Begging Books

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12 Reasons Your PS3 or XBOX 360 is Better than Your Girlfriend

May 30th 2008 15:28

Nice graphics . . . but does she play GTA 4?

Girlfriends! Wives! Significant others! Mistresses! Fembots! Ghost lovers! Yes, yes, they are all pretty great. They serve their purposes, fellas. But there is one lady who never fails to please--unless there is a power outage. Your cute little gaming console!

Tight. She must work out. Nice paddle too.

Like they say . . . once you go black . . .

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Posted By: Joseph R. Terrazzino - Category: The Mind of Koovies

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GOOVIES is now KOOVIES!

May 28th 2008 16:10

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GOOVIES, is that you?

Hello There

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Posted By: Joseph R. Terrazzino - Category: No Category

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Casting Dream 2: The Justice League

May 11th 2008 00:31

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If there were a God, surely Robin and Aquaman would be dead.

Ok, folks. It's time to finish casting the Justice League. As I said before, I think we should be picking the cast. The nerds. The comic geeks. The Stan Lee true believers! Yeah, this is DC, but DC never had a charismatic old grandpa superhero-creator who is so lovable and endearing that you want to buy him a coffee, a cookie, his favorite adult magazine, and listen to all his stories

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